Tales of True Crime—Part 4

In this series we’ll cover a smattering of true crime and murder in digest form. Here is part 3.

Tony Marino

Tony Marino’s speakeasy: a dingy little dump in the Bronx, circa 1932.⁠

In desperate need of funds to keep his establishment afloat, Marino hatched a plan to murder a local and collect on a life insurance policy. Unfortunately, he picked the wrong alcoholic.⁠

Michael Malloy was a regular patron and Marino’s target. Marino attempted to get Malloy to drink himself to death, but he turned out to be a surprisingly resilient booze hound. Just one Solo cup shy of a SoCal sorority girl.⁠

Taking further measures, Marino spiked Malloy’s drinks with antifreeze. No luck. Turpentine. Nada. Horse liniment, rat poison, oysters soaked in wood alcohol, and spoiled sardines sprinkled with metal shavings. Malloy was unfazed.⁠

Marino tried to freeze Malloy to death, and ran him over with a taxi, but only managed to do him in by sticking a gas hose in his mouth after he blacked out.⁠

And to think, he could have just fed him Arby’s.⁠

Marino was caught and convinced in 1934 and got the electric chair.⁠

Kevin Bacon

The sexual tension between Kevin Bacon and Mario Lopez on the red carpet isn’t the only connection between the two lovebirds. ⁠

In 2019, Kevin Bacon (alas, a different Vermont Man with the same name), rammed the side of a police cruiser while driving down the highway. Vermont Bacon reportedly fled the scene of the crash with the cops in hot pursuit.⁠

Turns out Bacon was attempting to download an episode of Saved by the Bell to his cell phone and hadn’t even noticed the cruiser. The episode in question was “Screech’s Spaghetti Sauce.”⁠

What Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon score would Vermont Bacon receive? ⁠

William Desmond Taylor

William Desmond Taylor was a prolific filmmaker in the silent era.⁠

In 1922, his body was discovered slumped in a populated LA neighborhood. A crowd of rubberneckers appeared, and from that tangled mass emerged a doctor who examined Taylor’s warm corpse. ⁠

“Stomach hemorrhage,” Rubbernecker Doc said with confidence. ⁠

When the police arrived they discovered a gunshot in Taylor’s back —and the “doctor” has vanished, never to be seen again.⁠

Healthcare today, am I right?⁠⁠

Romney Ellis

We’ve all received a gift that holds a special place in our heart. A thoughtful memento from Gran. An amusing tchotchke from your slightly pervy Uncle who likes to rub your back without asking. The decomposing corpse of a rat from your ex-husband.⁠

During a half-decade reign of terror, Romney Ellis threatened to set his Floridian ex-wife on fire and routinely sent peen pics, amongst a slew of other misdeeds. ⁠He capped it all of with a special delivery including a black rose and a dead rat.⁠

For the rodent et al, Ellis faces a maximum penalty of five years in prison.⁠

One wonders how the rat feels given the brief maximum sentence.⁠⁠


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